One of the first things Vikki, my friend from London escorts at Charlotte Barking Escorts, suggested was for me to challenge my assumptions. She was convinced that I hadn’t found the right stimulus yet and maybe I needed a different kind of focus. She urged me to check out some of the guys who work for a male London escorts service she was familiar with. Her logic was that if anyone could generate a feeling of sexual attraction, it would be a professional, highly attractive individual whose entire job is to embody desire and physical appeal.

I went along with it, mostly to prove her right, or at least, to gather data on myself. However, the experience was entirely underwhelming. I looked at the photos of these genuinely handsome, polished, and conventionally “sexy” male escorts, and nothing stirred. I looked at them and didn’t think, “I want to date him,” or even, “He’s hot.” My only thought was, “That’s a nice suit.” It was just a complete absence of the magnetic pull that I hear my friends describe. Perhaps other women enjoy the idea of dating male London escorts, but it certainly didn’t work as a sexual awakening for me.

This failed experiment was crucial because it helped distinguish between romantic interest and sexual attraction. I can appreciate beauty, I can enjoy a person’s company, and I can even desire closeness and intimacy, but without the sexual component. In a world that constantly conflates romance and sex, it’s a complicated line to walk. My time discussing desire with a professional from London escorts and then testing the male escort hypothesis only solidified my self-discovery: the lack of sexual attraction isn’t due to poor dating choices or a lack of opportunity—it’s just a fundamental aspect of who I am. I don’t need to try and “fix” this part of myself because it’s not broken.